Book One: The War of the Gods

The War of the Gods tells the story of Pert's arrival, and subsequent holy war with Cieg.

Chapter One: Origin
It was the year 2015 A.D, and the world had been plunged into chaos. The people of STEM had no god to call their own, as they were all edgy atheists. Then, one day, a man, nae, a presence named Pertes graced our plane of existence. In room 105, he rose. In a flash of extreme, and near-blinding brightness, he appeared before the children in their math class. His robes were flowing, white, and made of the finest silks that graced Earth’s humble weavers. His face, utterly disinterested, and slightly annoyed. His pens, perfectly arranged in his breast pocket, organised by size, and color.

“Children of STEM, your people have become unruly! For many eons, I have been waiting in the shadows, watching as your school fell further and further into the darkness.” He said

A boy in the audience, by the name of Vincent raised his hand, and bellowed out

“But pert, how will we leave the darkness? Where is the light?!?”

“Follow me, child. I will lead you to salvation.”

The people were astonished by his declaration, and he began walking out of the room. The entire class followed him, desiring to rid themselves of evil. He led them to the common room, above the math classroom where he appeared. With a flash of holy light, a painter’s easel, with a canvas appeared before them, covered with a purple sheet.

“My children, for many years, there has been a scourge, that has made your school a place of darkness.” He violently ripped off the sheet, and revealed a picture of a normal looking man. “Hey, that kinda looks like a teacher here!” said someone in the crowd.

“That's because it is! It goes by the name Cegielski, and has been wreaking havoc over your school ever since he was hired as a teacher here. Every other high school he has taught at has been destroyed in an unholy blaze, killing all inside, except of course, for him. As your god, it has been my duty to exterminate this wretch of a so called “human being” from this plane of existence!”  The people were astonished at his doctrine! He spoke with such conviction, that he could not be lying, but there were still some non-believers in the audience. “Oi! If you’re actually god, prove it! Perform a miracle!”

“Child, although I am somewhat offended by your request, I find it very reasonable. Watch, as I reveal the true form of this demon to you.”  Pertes took an expo marker from his pocket, and conjured a whiteboard. He began furiously scribbling mathematical equations onto the board, and finally finished, by drawing an equals sign at the end of the statement. After that, he wrote the word “False”, and immediately, the picture began to burn. Once it was done, and the smoke cleared, Cegielski revealed his true form. The picture had morphed into a scaly, reptilian version of the former teacher. He had blazing red eyes, and his skin was a dark burgundy. The color of blood. He had two tusks on either side of his mouth, and a set of animal-like fangs, that looked as if they could crunch bone.

“My children, this, is the self proclaimed world history teacher that so many have been fooled by. This is who will be our demise.”

“But pert, how can we stop this wretch!” Said Vincent

“We must kill him, but he is far too powerful. Any attack we use will only be deflected by his powers. We need something to weaken him. But first, I must gather my power. I will need time. While I am doing this, you must all amass an army of supporters. Unfortunately, some minds had already been tainted by Cegielski’s  powers. They falsely believe that he created the universe, and do not know the truth. They have become his slaves to his sick will. Now go, gather a holy army, and prepare for war! When the time is right, I will come back for you, and we will wipe this wretch off the face of this beautiful earth! “The people cried out in joy, and began jumping up and down. Their cries were heard all throughout the school. With those cries, the people knew that the holy war had begun.

Chapter Two: Instigation
Word spread quickly throughout the school, and people began to join the cause. At the same time, Cegielski’s influence grew, and he too began recruiting. Both sides were becoming large. One tuesday morning, during a recruitment meeting, something felt off. Vincent could feel it in the air. It seemed quieter than usual, and he felt like something was going to happen. Something very very big. He heard a faint beeping outside, and immediately realized that it was an explosive charge.

“GET DOWN!” he yelled, as he pulled the recruit behind the desk, and pushed it over. The bomb exploded, blowing the door off its hinges, making it sail through the air, nearly missing Vincent, and the recruit. He was scared, but almost like a flick of a switch, he gained a sudden burst of energy. He felt brave. The soldiers entered the room, holding AK-47s.

“Ok, area secured. Vincent is dead.” a soldier said into his radio

“Wait, paul, you didn’t actually look for their bodies”

“Look, chuck, i’m sorry, i’m just not really on my A game today.”

“What, are you tired, or something?”

“Yeah, i’ve not been sleeping much lately.”

“Look, we’ll talk about it later, just look for the bodies.”

“Yeah, yeah”

The two soldiers began moving towards Vincent. As soon as one entered his sight, he got up. His fists, and right eye were covered in blue fire, and he was pulsating with energy.

“Oh my god!” Said one of the soldiers, pointing his rifle at Vincent

“By Cegielski, shoot him! Shoot him now!” The soldiers began to unload their weapons into Vincent, but it did nothing to him.

“Don’t make me laugh” he said, before warping to one of the soldiers, and punching him in the chest, sending him sailing through the doorway, into the hall. The other soldier dropped his gun, and began running as fast as he could.

“Quantum Ray!!!” said Vincent, before shooting a beam of white energy from his fist. It shot through the soldier, killing him. Vincent looked upon the corpses, distracted.

“Vincent! Look out!” shouted the recruit.

He spun around, while simultaneously making a chopping motion with his hand. He saw a soldier behind him, holding a glowing red sword. The man stared blankly at him, before his head slid off his shoulders, and his corpse fell to the floor, with his sword following.

“Shit, that was close” proclaimed Vincent “Hey, recruit, what's your name?”

“Andy” he said

“Well, Andy,” He picked up the glowing sword, and tossed it to him“Consider this a symbol of my gratitude.”

He caught the sword by the hilt, and it changed from glowing a deep red, to a pale blue. He swung the sword around, testing its weight.

“And by the way, consider yourself promoted, captain”

“Thanks, chief.” said Captain Andy, as they both returned back to their base camp, room 105. It had been an hour since the soldiers left to kill Vincent, and the had not returned. Their commander, General Borchert, was beginning to get worried. As these thoughts were running through his head, two more soldiers burst through the door, into Cegielski’s classroom, carrying a heavily wounded third.

“Sir! Sir! We found this man slumped against the wall!” Said one of the soldiers

“Was he alone?” General Borchert replied

“No sir, there were two others, both dead.”

The two men set the third on the ground, while healers attempted to mend his wounds. General Borchert knelt beside him.

“Soldier, what happened?” he inquired

“W-we blew open the door, and looked through t-the room. Then...he just...popped out of nowhere, and punched me so hard, I flew across the room. Then, I blacked out, and only woke up when these two started shaking me.”

General  Borchert got up from his kneeling position, and thought to himself. He realised that the legends of a disciple, brought down by Pert himself would come to rid the world of Cegielski. His duty was to allow Cegielski to continue his reformations, to make the world a better place. With this new chosen one, that would be impossible.

“Alright, men, it seems we have a new...adversary, trying to destroy all that our lord has made. His name is Vincent Gallo, and it appears that he has incredible power. If we wish to reform this world according to to Cegielski’s wishes, he must be defeated. Now, are we going to sit around all day, or are we going to wipe this wart from the face of this planet!” The Soldiers of Cegielski began cheering, and immediately began gathering weaponry, preparing to mount an offensive against the Soldiers of Pert.

== Chapter Three: WAR! == Chief Vincent sat with his advisors, and Andy. His devotion to the cause of the Pert had allowed him to rise through the ranks, eventually putting him only one rank below Pertes himself. He and his advisors were planning a cookout in the name of the Pert.

“Well, I think that we should let Jeremy bring the ribs” Said vincent

“Woah woah woah, you told ME that I was going to get the ribs!” Retorted Andy.

“Wait, I did?”

“Yeah, the memo you sent out, you said in the memo that I was going to get the ribs, and Jeremy was going to bring cookies.”

“Well, I changed my mind. I mean, wasn’t Jeremy a cook or something?”

“He worked at McDonald’s” replied another advisor

“Well, even so, I think that Jeremy would be better off bringing the ribs, I mean, he could maybe cook them better”

“Chief, I already bought the ribs, and I don’t want to have to buy cookies too.”

“Why the hell didn’t you say anything earlier?” replied Vincent, angrily “Because, I forgot up until that point!”

“How the hell could you forget something like that, Andy”

“Well, you forgot about the memo you sent out!”

“Well, it’s different. I send out lots of memos, so it’s easy to forget one, but you probably don’t buy ribs as often, so it's DIFFERENT!!!”

“Vincent, why don’t we just have Jeremy bring the cookies, and Andy bring the ribs.” said one of Vincent’s advisors.

“But they won’t be as good!” Vincent yelled

“NIGGA THEY’RE STORE BOUGHT RIBS, JEREMY’S MCDONALD’S SKILLS AREN'T GOING TO MAKE THEM ANY BETTER OR-”  he was cut off by the sound of an explosion, followed by gunfire outside the classroom, in the common hall. Vincent and Andy ran outside room 105, and were immediately met with a massive firefight between the Cegielski, and Pertes forces. Vincent pulled a soldier aside, and asked

“Solder! Whats going on!”

“They came out of nowhere! I saw them coming through the vents, climbing out of lockers, I think I even saw one drop down from the roof.”

Vincent peeked beyond the corner, and noticed that Cegielski troops were still climbing out of vents, and lockers. More importantly, however, he noticed a shadowy figure watching the battle, before walking away slowly. `

“Andy! Stay with the troops, and help fight. I have some business to attend to.” Said Vincent

“What are you doing?” He replied.

“I’m meeting an old friend

Vincent ran through the battlefield, barely being noticed by any Cegielski soldier. He decided to cut off his path by going through classrooms. He burst through the the walls of  the classrooms, and eventually, into the hallway, in front of this figure. The dust from the destroyed drywall settled, and before Vincent stood General Borchert, trench coat waving in the wind, dusting off his hat.

“Vincent. You should be dead by now”

“There was some divine intervention.”

“By your false god, the Pert?”

“Even if Pertes is false, at least he is not a monster, like that evil Cegielski”

“Cegielski is NOT evil! He is here to cleanse the world of  your falsehoods! Now… Prepare to duel”

“With pleasure” said Vincent, as he performed a Quantum Dash towards Aiden. He felt his fist hit his body, but when he opened his eyes, Borchert had his fist clenched in his hand.

“You underestimate me” Borchert twisted Vincent’s hand, forcing him to turn around. He then kicked him in the back, throwing him down the hallway. Vincent landed on his feet, and noticed that Borchert was dashing towards him. When he was about to hit, Vincent dodged him, and he hit the wall. While he was disoriented, Vincent picked him up by the shirt.

“QUANTUM SLAP! QUANTUM SLAP! QUANTUM SLAP! QUANTUM SLAP! QUANTUM SLAM!”

Vincent slammed Borchert on the hard, concrete floor.

“Time to end this” he said, preparing a Quantum Stomp.

“WAIT! Look over there!” He pointed down the hallway, and Vincent looked. It was Andy, with two Cegielski soldiers on both sides, pointing their rifles at his head.

“Vincent! I’m sorry, there was just too many” said Andy

“Well, Vincent, seems the tides have changed. Let's make a deal”

“I don’t deal with terrorists” retorted Vincent.

“Well, maybe you should make an exception. Because, if you let me go, I’ll tell my men to let your friend go. But if you don’t...well… he gets shot multiple times in his vital organs.”  Vincent looked at Andy, then back at Borchert. He knew that he could not be trusted in the slightest. He looked in Andy’s eyes, and saw that he had a plan. Vincent did not know how, but somehow, he knew that as soon as Andy coughed, Vincent would use a Quantum Ray to kill the soldier on the left, and Andy would steal the one on the right’s rifle. He made a slight nodding motion to him, and waited. The tension in the air was to the point that

“Ahem” said Andy. Vincent sprung into action, and blew the soldier away with a beam of pure Quantum energy. Andy grabbed the Soldier’s rifle, and shot him with it. Vincent then performed a Quantum Stomp, but realised that all he had done was made a hole in the concrete. Borchert had escaped upstairs, back to Cegielski’s room. Vincent and Andy did the same, and ran back to Room 105, to mount an offensive to take back the commons.

Chapter Four: The Return
The war had been raging for a year. Many lives had been lost in the name of both gods, and the people were beginning to get tired. Despite their weariness, they knew that they had to press on. Vincent, however, realised that the Pert Forces were gradually losing men that could not be replaced in time. The Battle of the Commons was a huge loss to Vincent, as it cut off an important supply line, and new recruits, and supplies had to be snuck in through a back door. As Vincent was trying to formulate another supply route, one of his advisors burst through the door.

“Sir! Sir! He's back!”

“Who's back?!”

“Him” Vincent immediately knew exactly who it was. He sprung up, and ran out the door, following the advisor. They exited the building through a back entrance, to see a holy glow, slowly falling from the sky. Soldiers were watching the ball of light from all around. When it landed, it burnt the concrete. The glow faded, to reveal Mr. Pertes standing proudly, still wearing heavenly white robes, pens still arranged in the same way. Vincent bowed to Pertes, and the soldiers followed.

“Rise, children” asked Pertes “For a year now, you have battled, and fought the forces of the evil Cegielski. When I first met you, I was weak, but while you were fighting, I was meditating, and training. Now, I am strong enough to fight this fiend directly. At two o’clock today, we will push upon the areas captured by Cegielski, and restore your supply lines. Then, we will take the fight directly to him. Now, where is your leader?”

Vincent raised his hand “Here, my lord”

“Come, we must return to base to plan our offensive.” Vincent and Pertes began walking to Room 105. Andy then climbed atop a car parked nearby.

“My fellow soldiers! For the past year, the war has more than likely been extremely taxing on you. Many friends have been lost to Cegielski, and his goons. Now, let me ask you this. Are you going to leave those deaths unavenged?”

“NO!” the crowd replied in unison

“Then what the hell are YOU going to do?”

“FIGHT!”

“Then let's stop wasting time, and go eat some fucking lunch!!!” The soldiers cheered, and fired their weapons into the air, slaughtering many birds. They marched to the lunchroom for some grub. Meanwhile, Vincent, Pertes, and his advisors were in Room 105, around a large, round table. At this point, the school was divided into two wings. General Borchert owned one wing, and Vincent owned the other. There was no way between the wings inside of the building, and the only entrances were outside. However, Pertes had the power to punch a hole straight through the walls separating the wings. The plan was conquer the common area first, to secure the main area where supplies could be delivered. The soldiers would then split into two groups, and flank the Cegielski wing, one from the outside, and another from the inside. Pertes believed that at this point, Cegielski would appear, and the soldiers would have to retreat to avoid his wrath. Pertes then replace them, and battle the god. Meanwhile, Andy and the soldiers were eating a hearty lunch of  carrot cakes, it being the only available food, since the Cegielski armies destroyed their supplies, but missed the hidden stash of cakes. They frequently checked the large clock above the doors, waiting for the hour hand to strike 2:00. Some knew that they may not survive this battle, and more knew that this would likely be the largest, and most grandiose battle of the entire war. Divine intervention had ensured it. In the meantime, Andy, and Vincent were discussing the plan, determining the routes of infantry, tank, and aerial units. At 1:55, the soldiers were ordered into formation, and Andy struggled to tape a map of the school to the wall. When he did, he outlined the plan, and ordered squads into two larger groups.

Chapter Five: The Final Battle
When the clock struck 2:00, soldiers blasted air horns to notify the army of the imminent invasion. The Holy Pertes Air Force ran to their planes, and began taking off. Helicopters were loaded with soldiers, and F-4 phantoms were loaded with canisters of napalm before taking off. The Cegielski army had planted a massive jungle, overtaking the roads during the war, dampening the Pert Army’s speed, and morale. The napalm would clear the way, and flush any Cegielski soldiers from their hidden posts. Indoors, a separate group of soldiers began their assault on the border of the Cegielski wing. They planted charges on strategic points in the drywall to blow their way through, creating holes large enough for the entire army to fit through. While the army battled, Pertes had far more important matters to deal with. Although he was unaware of where Cegielski was, he did know of his ego.

“Cegielski! You have cowered behind your wall  of conscripts for far too long! By your honor, you must face me!”

Pertes waited, but Cegielski did not appear. He thought, and came up with the perfect plan.

“Uhh, also, uhh, you’re pretty gay. Like, I mean, like, everyone knows now, you know? Like, its Ok, its ju-”

From the ceiling fell Cegielski himself, creating a crater in the floor. Cracks burst from the ground, with blazing fires seeping through.

“NO! YOU!” he screamed, while gut-punching Pertes. Pert held his stomach, and feigned pain, while scooping up a pile of convenient sand nearby. When he walked close to him, he flung sand in his face, briefly blinding him. Pert then performed a roundhouse kick, sending him flying through the school, eventually placing him outside. Pertes flew towards him at unfathomable speeds, but Cegielski retorted by pointing behind him, yelling “LOOK BEHIND YOU!”. Pertes fell for the ruse, and glanced behind him, causing him to miss Cegielski, slamming into a tree. Neither entertained the concept of honorable battle, and instead preferred dirty tactics. Cegielski got up, and started kicking Pertes while he was on the ground. Pertes repeated his move, and threw dirt into Cegielski’s eyes, again blinding him. Pertes picked him up, and began flying at speeds faster than sound, towards the city. He smashed him though building after building, until eventually getting bored, and throwing him on the ground. Meanwhile, Andy’s soldiers were leading a successful assault against the soldiers. They had taken the cafeteria, the gym, and many classrooms. All that remained was a single hallway, on the upper level, containing Cegielski’s classroom. All Cegielski soldiers that still remained after the ambush were concentrated there, defending the classroom, hiding behind various pieces of classroom furniture. Although they had both flanks covered, their numbers were dwindling, and some soldiers were simply retreating. General Borchert sat in Cegielski’s room, attempting to give orders to what remaining soldiers he had. Helicopters were landing all around, and half the school was being destroyed by a massive fire from the napalm. A soldier burst through his door.

“Sir! Our forces are dwindling! If we don’t do something soon, the Pert soldiers will take the classroom!” he yelled. Borchert was rubbing his head, trying to think of what to do. The way he saw it, he had one option left. It was unorthodox, and borderline insane, but it just might work.

“Alright, private, get out of here. I have a plan.” The soldier left, and Borchert began arranging six candles into a hexagon. He took a large knife, and braced himself, before violently stabbing his hand, and leaving a bloody handprint on the floor. He then lit the candles and began chanting.

“Cegielski Domine, Transport terra sancta est a milite complent.” As he sang this, the floor began to glow a dark red, before rumbling was heard throughout the building. The concrete below them began cracking, and metal girders began bending. Pipes broke, and water covered the floor. Gas lines were ruptured, causing the flames to grow higher. The entire wing of the school was being lifted from its foundation in an attempt to save the class. Soldiers from both sides were jumping off back to safety. Pertes soldiers were firing pot-shots at the floating building. Andy, however, knew that he could not let the building get away. He saw a loose electrical cable swinging from the floor of the building. Seeing his chance, he grabbed his sword, and ran to the cord. In the last moment that he could jump towards it, he did, and grabbed the cable, climbing up it, onto the building. The floor was littered with spent bullets, discarded weapons, and bodies, however, all living soldiers had evacuated, leaving only Andy, and Borchert as the building’s occupants. Andy drew his sword from the scabbard, and began moving slowly down the halls, before a dark figure, clad in a trenchcoat, and officer’s cap fell from the ceiling. Borchert revealed himself, brandishing a sword of his own.

“Well well well, if it isn’t my good friend Andy. Or should I say, Sandy?”

“What?” Andy aske

“Oh, nevermind. If my powers weren’t being weakened by carrying this thing, I would slice you into ribbons right now. But unfortunately, i’m going to have to make this fight a little more...fair” Borchert put his hand on his hip, which roused suspicion in him. As quick as lightning, he pulled a .44 magnum from his coat, and shot Andy, but something happened. Without even thinking, he had deflected the bullet with nothing more than his sword. Borchert looked shocked, and shot five more rounds, Andy deflecting them all. When he squeezed the trigger to fire another, the gun only clicked. He threw the gun to the side.

“Huh, looks like you have some tricks up your sleeve. That’s ok, i’ll just defeat you the old fashioned way.” Said Borchert

“We’ll see about that” Replied Andy

“The only thing you’ll see is the pinnacle of human strength!” He readied his sword, clutching it firmly with both hands. Andy did the same, and charged at Borchert, clashing blades in a spectacular show of sparks. They locked blades, and eyes, seemingly matched. Borchert began to inch his sword closer, and closer to Andy’s face. He retaliated by pushing his sword to the side, planting it into the concrete. He took one hand off the hilt, and socked Borchert in the face, knocking his hat off. He stood back, and held his face. Looking at his hand, he saw blood. In a fit of anger, Borchert unleashed a flurry of slashes, and stabs, Andy narrowly blocking all but one, which grazed him in the shoulder. After this, he smacked Borchert’s sword to the side, and bashed him in the ribs with the hilt. He staggered back, and held his chest. Then, he performed a swing so powerful, it knocked the sword out of Andy’s hand, landing across the hall, planting itself in the drywall. Borchert raised the sword above his head, and swung down, but Andy grabbed the sword between his hands, and snapped it in half. Borchert preformed a backflip, and landed, pulling yet another revolver from his coat. Being without his weapon, Andy could not avoid the bullet entering his lower abdomen, and exiting just left of the spine. He yelped in pain, and fell to the ground, clutching his stomach. As Pertes approached, Cegielski saw a strange floating square above him. He didn’t think much of it, besides “I could throw him into that” When he was near, he kicked him with two feet, back upwards into the odd square in the sky. As Borhert cocked his gun, and prepared to fire, a mysterious shape shot through the floor, and caused the building to begin flipping around, and around. The two tumbled around with the building. Andy saw a pipe in his peripheral vision, and grabbed it. Borchert followed, and grabbed onto his leg, holding on, even as Andy kicked him. Eventually, after smashing his fingers, he had to let go, being flung off, away from STEM. The building was falling rapidly, towards a lake. When Cegielski flew up to continue the fight, he had noticed what the building was, and began trying to salvage it. As it crashed into the lake, Andy let go of the pipe. He noticed his gleaming sword through the murky, green water. He swam towards it, pulled it from the wall, and swam out of the building, letting himself float upwards, eventually surfacing, and slinking into the nearby trees. He sheathed his sword, and began heading back to STEM.

Chapter Six: Aftermath
Andy walked for hours, before he realised that he was walking in the wrong direction. He turned back, and caught a cab, which took him back to STEM. Upon his arrival, it had turned to night. The men had made campfires in the parking lot, and had been having a feast. They were dining on racks of pork ribs, steamed vegetables, fish, and McDonalds, which were raided from Cegielski’s food supply. Some were playing games, like shoot the gun, throw the can, and even break the bottle. When they noticed Andy, they cheered. The soldiers had not known where he had gone, and had assumed that he was but another uncounted casualty in the ruins of the bombed out, burnt school. Vincent pushed past the crowd, and hugged Andy, while whispering in his ear

“No homo”

Andy told the tale of his glorious battle, and the men were amazed. Most would not believe him if he did not sport his gunshot wound. , which he had neglected to attend to. He still carried his sword with him, still shinier than Howie Mandel’s head. The men went to bed, while the doctors, and Vincent forced Andy to receive medical care. The next day, Pertes appeared, shirt ripped off, revealing his muscular frame. His face was covered in dirt, and he was covered in scratches, and bruises. The crowd fell silent as Pertes began making his announcement.

“Cegielski”

He paused “Is defeated”

The crowd erupted into a state of pure joy. The men and women of the army hugged each other, and shot their weapons into the air. When they were done, Pertes raised his hands in the air.

“However, he is still out there, somewhere in the world, waiting for his power to grow. So… I will build a monument to my rule! This monument will protect you from the evil Cegielski, and nullify all of his powers. After this, I must leave you for a long time. There are other planes that require my help. Now, I must be going. Good luck, and bless you all.”

Pert disappeared with a crack of thunder, leaving a burnt spot in his place. The soldiers looked around, and noticed that a tall, red structure had been built in the wasteland behind them. It was made from three large metal rods, each supporting one another. On top, there was a platform with five antennae on top. It stood stoic, jutting out from the wasteland of dirt, and dust. The soldiers came to call it by the simple name of the Spire, and for many years, all was well.